why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
