If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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