Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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