Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
