Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
