glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
