either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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