he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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