I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
