The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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