her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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