Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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