R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize