I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
