I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize