he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
