we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
