im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
