I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
