obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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