Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
