chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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