How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
soo... how was my night?
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