When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
