id be glad to
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
