You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
