3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize