And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
