i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
