If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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