I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
