Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
