is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
