I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
