You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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