Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
