Where is the hickey?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
