it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
did you just send me my own nude
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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