mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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