Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
