hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
