$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
