I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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