just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
