Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My penis needs a shock collar
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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