My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i'm inner monologue high
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A+ Viking dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
