i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How many fucks given?
0.12846
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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