careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The air was thick with penises
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
