when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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