Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
