worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
