He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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