i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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