haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can Purell be used as lube?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
