He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
