aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
