now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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