you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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