gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
