Tell her she can't have a vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
