Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
