i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
