I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
