Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to sanitize my soul.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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