Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
