I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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