im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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