his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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