Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
