People in love make me want to vomit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
