From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
