Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
