bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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